I have several different aspects to my personal devotion time each day. Not all days are the same, as I like to mix it up a little bit. Every day includes reading scripture, most days include listening to a sermon, somedays include journaling.
I think the journaling is one of the most helpful to me. I probably only do this once, at most twice, during the week because it is difficult for me. It's usually pretty rough as I haven't taken time to REALLY think through what I've just read. For those who know me, they will tell you that I am a very slow processor. I will think on something for a week before I feel like I'm ready to share my thoughts on the topic. So that makes journaling difficult for me. However, there is something to be said for spilling your initial thoughts onto paper. It is interesting then to go back after some time and read these thoughts. It often gives me a much clearer picture on what what GOD was doing in my life at that moment and how what he taught me during that phase led me to the place where I am right now.
So, I thought I would give you a look inside my personal journal. I will preface this by telling you that I'm not entirely comfortable with letting you into my less-than-polished thoughts like this, but that is part of why I'm doing it. This entry came from a this past weekend (October 16th). Given that it is a recent entry, I have no idea where GOD is leading me through this thought process, other than the fact that I have always struggle severely with the issue of patience. In any case, here is the entry.
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PROVERBS 16:32 - "Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city."
There is great strength and power in the warrior, the man who proves himself in battle, the man of superior physical skill and control. The warrior is capable of imposing his will on men and determines the outcome of a great number of human lives (win the battle, win the war, rule over nations, change the course of history). This is a BIG deal. This is a position of honor and personal glory.
And yet, it is better to be patient and self-controlled. GOD honors those who are humble (Matt. 5:5) and submissive (I Samuel 15:22). Man honors power and physical strength, but the LORD looks beyond this (I Samuel 16:7) and tells us that such power is of little value to him (Psalm 146:3-4, Psalm 147:10-11).
This is always difficult for us to grasp. It is much easier to develop our physical strength than our spiritual lives. It hurts more to be patient than it does to train our bodies. Why? Because spiritual change requires that we die to ourselves. It requires us to recognize that WE are not the central focus of life. Patience is the epitomy of selflessness. It is placing the importance of others' time, value, and priorities above our own. Until we can do this, to see others as Jesus sees them, we have not taken full grasp of the gospel. Until we take such an understanding of the gospel we will never fully engage in the mission of GOD for toward others. Until we engage in the mission of GOD we will never completely praise, worship, or delight the LORD.
Start today with patience. Train yourself in loving others. Worship GOD. Live the Truth. Let your spirit, by His word, take the city.
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I think this type of record of our own thoughts, struggles, fears, and victories is important. Personally, I feel like it gives me some benchmarks in how GOD is growing me and developing my faith through perseverance and faithfulness to His call. When we seek to do our Father's will, we will grow. Sometimes that growth is slight and is hard for us to see in the moment, but if you have such markers to look back on you are able to constantly and consistently see the ways in which GOD has led you to where you are.
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