Embracing Difficulty

I was speaking with a veteran pastor recently.  This guy has led churches for 20+ years during his ministry (that is impressive in and of itself).  This is in addition to having a traveling ministry for a number of years and a stint working with a national youth organization for a couple years.  He is a pastor, youth pastor, worship leader, Sunday school teacher, small group leader, strategic planning organizer, traveling speaker, etc.  He has taught and led in virtually imaginable facet of Christian ministry.

The interesting part of our conversation was in discussing the people who fight against ministry.  He said that in his illustrious career he has dealt with plenty of difficult people, those who opposed a change in church policy, wanted to see the congregation move in a different direction than he was leading, or simply disagreed with a decision he had made, however he said there were only had five people who he felt were "against him" in ministry.  Of these people, none were able to displace his leadership or accomplish the take-over they desired.  Although this did not come without plenty of effort to do so.

None of this came as a shock to me.  What did surprise me was his approach to those people.  He said he would not confront them on their "issue".  WHAT!?!

I was initially taken aback.  When someone is trying to undermine your leadership, to defame your character, to drag you through the mud because you are following GOD's will and direction for the benefit of others, I feel like you have to stand up to that person.  My reaction to such conflict is defensive.

He went on to tell me that you cannot accomplish anything by pressing someone on their inability to be led.  The problem that they are having is rarely related to the circumstance they are presenting to you.  Whatever the issue, it's merely the tip of the iceberg.  The real rub is an issue of their heart.  They, at some point, have become hardened to what GOD has to teach them and, therefore, have become unable to hear the voice of GOD through any means.  That includes you, your teaching, and your leadership.  Their response, then, is understandable - they want to lead.  In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king, right?  Only, here the blind man cannot recognize his blindness and so he projects it onto others.

This pastor went on to tell me that his passive approach was driven into him many years ago.  As a young Christian he had come to a place where he was unsatisfied with his churches leadership.  He had said things about the pastor he shouldn't have and, finally, he said the wrong thing to the wrong person.  Word got back to the pastor of his comments and he got a call from the pastor asking him to come by and see him.  So the young man, with his head hung low, walked into the back door of the house.  All these years later he says that he still remembers walking in the house only to see the pastor and his wife greet him not with anger, hostility, and righteous, defensive frustration, but with tears and heart-felt embraces as they told him how much they loved him.

People with hard hearts need to be molded and shaped like the rest of us, but first they need to be melted.  This runs contrary to our natural inclinations.  Our reaction to friction is usually one of two things: we butt heads or we butt-out.  We fight or we turn away.  Rarely is our first thought (I can't say it's EVER been my first) to embrace that heart of tension.

This idea of embracing tension turns our forms of leadership on its head.  It is difficult to be irreconcilably upset with someone, to become embittered by them, to want to turn away from them when we embrace who that person is.  If you are able to see past the actions of a person (and their direct effect on you) and see the pain, the disappointment, the longing for fulfillment in their lives you can't help but feel an overwhelming desire to see them healed.

One of the things I've been working to overcome is my inability to disassociate actions from people.  It is easy to hate actions, it's even biblical - GOD hates actions (i.e. sin).  But it's hard to hate a person.  Think about the people you have conflict with, how many of them do you know REALLY well, how many of them do you love?  Most of the people I struggle in dealing with are people who I only know casually.  I know some better than others, but I don't know how those people tick.  I don't know about their past, I don't know the details of their family history, I don't know what their hopes are, I don't know them well.  On the other hand, I KNOW my friends.  I know what their fears are, I know the pain they are dealing with and why it hurts them so much.  That is not to say that my friends don't do things I don't like like or they don't hurt me at times, but I know the person, the heart, behind the actions.  Since I know that heart and what drives that action and since I love that friend, so I can see past the action.  The act is not the person, it's simply what the person has done.

In Luke 19 we see Jesus interact with Zacchaeus.  Zacchaeus was a wretched person.  He stole from his brothers and countrymen and was responsible, in part, for keeping the Jewish people under the thumb of the Roman empire.  He was despised by EVERYONE.  And yet, Jesus calls Zacchaeus down from a tree and shares the intimacy of a meal with him and brings salvation to the house of a "sinner" (Luke 19:9).  Zacchaeus then undergoes a radical transformation.  It is important to note that Jesus brings his unconditional love and salvation to Zacchaeus BEFORE Zacchaeus' actions are changed.  It's not about the actions of people that matter, it's the person.  GOD's love flows to our hearts beyond what we do.  He first loves us and then our lives our changed.

If we are to follow GOD's pattern we must start with loving people.  We are to love them and let the Gospel do the work of changing their lives.  Only by the love of GOD will hard hearts be melted bringing about the radical change that He desires.  We will still be hurt and disappointed at times, but we will see lives changed, not because we love them, but because Christ first loved us and that love will shine through us in a way the the rest of the world cannot show and will not understand.

Love people.  Embrace difficulty.